Malificent: So Riku, we're sending you on a mission. An evil mission of EVIL!
Riku: What do you want me to do? Burn down an entire civilization? Slaughter innocent surveillance? Wreak havoc and cause chaos?
Malificent: I want you to go inside a giant whale and kidnap a puppet.
Riku: What the hell was that?
Malificent: And as a reward for your loyalty, we have killed the one you call Kairi.
Malificent: Well we tried. We slit her throat, she just bled for a while then got knocked out, then she got up and started giggling. I was so scared that I bit the head clean off one of my Barbie dolls.
Riku: Oh I've been there.
(Back when Sora and Riku were children...)
Riku: Sora what do you think we'll be like when we're older?
Sora: A couple?
Sora: Best friends?
Riku: So anyway, you'll never guess what I saw yesterday.
Riku: I saw a really ugly bird ripping apart a live fish.
Sora: So speaking of Kairi, is it just me or are you getting really sick of her?
Sora: Wow we're eight years old and we're already sick of girls.
Sora: Best friends!
Riku: Well uhh anyway, I'm thinking we could leave her in this cave.
Sora: Wow this is perfect Riku. How long do you think we should leave her in here for?
Riku: I think we should leave her in here until our voices break. (Voice starts to break)
Sora: Riku: What happened to your...AAAAAH...mine didn't change that much.
Riku: Aww damnit now I have to think of an entirely different plan.
Sora: Awwww. Hey Riku, you met that new girl who moved into town recently?
Riku: No not yet...wait isn't that Kairi?
Sora: Yeah...wait what?
Riku: This is a very poorly planned flashback.
Sora: Best friends?
Riku: Don't touch me.
(End of flashback)
Riku: Well that was a very random flashback.
Narrator: OPENING SEQUENCE!
Sora: No...no...the next episode will be out when we're darn ready.
Goofy: Erm Sora? Why did you fly us in here?
Sora: I've always wanted to save the Zora princess.
Donald: You F***TARD!!!
Sora: Well we should get looking for that Zora sapphire. (item lands in front of him) AAAH!! Found it!
Goofy: (Sarcasm) Oh yes because that is such sapphire, that is the most spherical sapphire I mean what a sapphire.
Donald: Wow you must be a female dog beast because you're a b****!
Sora: Pardon me you but have you seen the Zora princess? Hey you don't look like a Zora.
Pinocchio: I thought you were Sora.
Donald: Oh it's just Pinocchio.
Goofy: How do you know that?
Donald: I watched the movie.
Jiminy: Pinocchio is that you?
Sora: What the hell is on my shoulder?
Jiminy: Come on everyone, after him, quick.
Sora: What the hell are you?
Sora: Oww damnit! What was that for?
Goofy: I dunno, we haven't done it in a while.
Gepetto: Oh what is that you got there Pinocchio?
Pinocchio: With this, we can get outta here father.
Gepetto: But this is one gummi block. We need about another five hundred of these, a pilot, an energy source, an engine and a cockpit.
Pinocchio: Daddy I'm trying.
Gepetto: Not hard enough my boy.
Sora: I wonder if these guys can help us.
Gepetto: Ooo dinner. Welcome to my ship, would you like to see the kitchen?
Sora: Actually yes.
Gepetto: Oh where are my manners? I'm Gepetto and I'm Pinocchio's father.
Sora: Is he your biological son?
Gepetto: Yes I'm quite the tree humper.
Sora: Don't you mean hugger?
Gepetto: Sadly no. I'm such a good father to him. I only beat him whenever he's got stuff wrong, or when he THINKS he's got stuff wrong, or when I think he's got stuff wrong, or when neither of us think he's got stuff wrong, or even when I'm bored, and we're stuck in a whale, so that's quite a lot! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go cook this giant green potato.
Donald: I thought you were Italian.
Gepetto: Yes but the voice actors couldn't make up their minds. Yes it's quite peculiar and all, makes me want to beat Pinocchio up all day long.
Narrator: TEN MINUTES LATER!!!
Pinocchio: NO! I'm never going back!
Sora: Okay we killed him. No one's gonna beat you anymore.
Goofy: I might.
Sora: Okay Goofy might and we might join in. In fact, the three of us have plans for the rest of the afternoon.
Pinocchio: Sora wait, I found a pilot and a new father.
Riku: Well well well, what are you doing here?
Sora: Riku! My one true love!
Donald: I think I just found the Zora princess.
Sora: Hey shut up!
Riku: To the buttass mobile.
Pinocchio: Yes father.
Malificent: So did you bring me my puppet?
Riku: Erm yeah but for some reason, he thinks I'm his father.
Malificent: That's because you ARE his father. Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuun!
Riku: What the hell are you talking about?
Malificent: Sorry, there was a Star Wars marathon last night.
Riku: Wait what?
Malificent: But now that you given me what I want, I now see absolutely no reason for you to leave.
Riku: Wait, excuse me?
Riku: Get back here! You didn't even take the puppet!
Pinocchio: I did it! I'm finally free...(Gets stuck in Cage Parasite) Oh God damnit! I'm stuck in an ulcer!
Narrator: Pain? Itching? Bloated? And you not just fat? You might have a stomach ulcer. A big happy stomach ulcer. You should take Sora, Donald and Goofy.
Donald: How does it WORK?!
Narrator: Well Sora, Donald and Goofy go in a little glass vial.
Sora: A little glass vial?
(Little glass vial song)
Narrator: And Sora, Donald and Goofy goes somewhere against your anatomy.
Goofy: And the gun goes off and sparks and you're ready for surgery?
Narrator: No, the ulcer's gone you reatard.
(We are SO sorry!!!)
Gepetto: Okay Mr. Riku, I will trade you my only son in exchange for getting me out of here.
Riku: Didn't Sora kill you?
Gepetto: Oh I don't die.
Sora: Heh just like Kairi. Remember Riku that day...
Riku: No! I don't remember! No more flashbacks! Ever! And why would I help you out? I already have him.
Gepetto: Oh bugger!
Riku: Well I'm off to the stomach now.
Riku: Hmm good point.
Sora: Wouldn't it be more hilarious to leave me to get beaten by the old man?
Gepetto: Hey! F*** you!
Riku: Okay bye Sora.
Goofy: So will we go too?
Goofy: Yeah our ship's fine, nothings been wrong with it the whole time.
Sora: Damnit Jiminy! Shut the hell up! (Slap) Oh s***!
Sora: I think I killed him.
Narrator: ENDING SEQUENCE!!!
Narrator: I'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...(out of breath)EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!